London Burlesque Week 2011: British Bombshells

Thursday the 28th of April, 2011. The eve of the most attractive royal nuptials in living memory. As wedding fever thrilled through the nation, and indeed the world, the question on lips everywhere was ‘What will Kate be wearing?’ To the roar of Billy Idol’s White Wedding, Agent Lynch opened London Burlesque Week’s British Bombshells: Best of UK with a pre-emptive answer and a glorious (if optimistic) taste of Middleton’s naughty side.

Traditional virgin white was shed to reveal a pair of union jack underpants and minimal leather strapping. Having ripped the head off a Queen’s foot guard doll with her bare teeth, Lynch doused herself with the contents of a (one assumes bone china) teapot while puffing provocatively – a royal middle finger up to the smoking ban. No overt signs of any leather on the following day, but I for one can dare to dream.

Lady Beau Peep seemed a little weary as she ushered us through the rest of the first half, and indeed few acts matched the freshness and vigour of the show’s opener. Highlights included Eliza Delite – delightful indeed. Lee Dorsey’s Working in a Coal Mine was perfect for her transformation from boiler-suited coal miner to be-sparkled sexpot. A couple of lucky audience members fell over themselves to pop the balloons that concealed Hotcake Kitty’s finer points from view, but Hettie Heartache’s fan dance fell a little flat.

The statuesque Cat Aclysmic started the second half, re-booting the atmosphere as a gracefully raunchy femme fatale with a flex-tastic finale worthy of a yoga guru. Bettsie Bon Bon was another audience favourite. A shapely leg emerged from the curtain to the left of the stage. Then, like something out of a Carry On film, or a 60s Arabian epic, she sashayed onto the stage. Scarlet robe was cast aside to reveal a well-filled golden bikini. The audience sighed.

Miss Fan-Teasy was raucously glorious in showgirl feathers. The laces came off, the buttons disappeared. Classic, unpretentious, easy fun. Slinky Sparkles’ act made a gorgeous Marilyn Monroe but her act dragged a little. I am sure I wasn’t alone among the audience in finding titillation turn to irritation as she remained stubbornly clothed. Kiki Kaboom brought the show to a controlled and classy close, brandishing a rich voice to adorn a splendid physique.

British Bombshells was a lot of fun, and ideal for the burlesque newbie – ‘easy on the eyes’ is a phrase that comes to mind. Yet Agent Lynch was the exception to the rule: overall, the show lacked the bite, the edge, to make it truly memorable. For an audience overwhelmed by disrobing upon disrobing of beautiful women, the acts were in danger of becoming indistinguishable from each other. Not a damning analysis perhaps, but for me that was the lingering impression of an otherwise thoroughly enjoyable evening.

London Burlesque Week: British Bombshells. Madame JoJo's, Soho, London. 28 April, 19:00. £15-25. www.londonburlesqueweek.com

All photos by Sin Bozkurt, exclusively for Erotic Review